Bumper Stickers: 1 – Humanity: 0
I loathe the inventor of bumper stickers.
Perhaps the only people I despise more than the inventors of bumper stickers are people who choose to slap them all over their car. However, I may possibly have the most seething hatred for people who choose to slap bumper stickers on their brand new cars (or well maintained/still good looking cars). I can’t even find it in me to forgive people with jalopies who use the stickers to cover up scratches, dents, or the occasional bullet holes.
Putting a bumper sticker on your car is just your way of saying “hey look at me, this is what I believe in…feel free to judge me!”.
All things considered, this could be a good thing. I at least have a general idea of the general intelligence level of the drivers of cars with bumper stickers. If someone has a bumper sticker that supports Bush/Cheney, I can venture a guess that they are dimwitted douche bags, and that I should avoid them on the road. Who knows…they may randomly get the idea to shoot me in the face while trying to hunt quail. I realize that yelling at them for driving like an idiot would be pointless, since their response would be incoherent and the words would be mangled…just like the people they choose to support.
I don’t mean to just rag on political supporters, although they are by far the stupidest of the bunch. Think about it… in 4 or 8 years…that bumper sticker will have lost its meaning. Hell, after the election, the bumper sticker loses its meaning; unless its original meaning was to point out that the owner is delusional. Guess what, nation….those bumper stickers may stick to the car easily…but they don’t come off as easily as they go on. Yes, people….you are stick with that god forsaken bumper sticker, or at least the leftover glue that you were too stupid to properly remove. You think those people with the “Honk if you love Jihad!” sticker are happy? Fuck no, they are the center of ridicule/threat. They have little choice….either TRY to remove the sticker, in which case they will have leftover glue and paper on their bumper, or they will have a rectangular area on their car that looks cleaner than the rest of the car. That’s right…we know you had a bumper sticker there…we see that you tried to hide your previous idiocy, had a change of heart, or were no longer able to live with the constant ridicule of your peers.
What about window stickers, you ask. Well, I am mixed on that topic. Glass is much easier to remove a sticker from, and will not have the retarded clean area look that paint will have. The stickers are usually translucent, or in the very least; are free of the ridiculous solid colored background that seems to act as filler for every bumper sticker known to man. Yes sir, you have a green car, with a 5 inch by 2 inch rectangle of white with the words “My daughter is an honor student at the Community College of (wherever)”. Wow, dad, I hope you’re proud that your daughter is:
1. able to formulate a complete sentence
2. a whore
