Drunken Fury (The Ordination and the first Fury) part 1
I turned to Ewald and said: “At least he will be the best wingman ever now”.
He turned to me with his typical half-smile half-scowl and retorted: “Yea, either that or he will be the biggest cock-block in the world”.
Imagine this scene: We are standing outside of a Christian Seminary surrounded by at least 200 priests and as many seminarians along with their families and friends. Surprisingly, with me and Ewald there, somehow the holy water was not boiling and the walls of the chapel did not erupt in spontaneous flame.
After high school not many people kept in touch, contrary to their “K.I.T. call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx” inscriptions in everyone’s yearbooks, but a few of us were here celebrating Spaz’s ordination into Deaconhood. I haven’t seen Lily in years, ever since graduation, but she had not really changed at all. Neither did Nicolo or Kelly. Granted it’s only been seven years, but it’s amazing to see how subtly everything changes. Conversation carries on just like it did those seven years ago, but somehow it is different. The subjects of conversation are similar, save for the substitution of “job” for “class”, and “engaged to” for “hooking up with”, but everyone seems more distant than before…more engulfed in the business and problems of their own life. Except for Ewald…he is always good for an off topic and completely uncouth comment, and we loved him for it.
“I swear to God, if Father [removed] comes over here and says something, I’m going to fucking punch him in the mouth.”
Good old E.
Just a half hour earlier, approximately half of our section could barely contain laughter due to Ewald’s off-color comments, and the rest claimed that they would go to hell just for being in his presence, but I just sat there trying not to look too visibly entertained during what is supposed to be a solemn and holy ceremony.
I think that particular Mass had everything possible:
* 200+ priests – check
* 200+ seminarians – check
* 600 parents and friends – check
* A priest drill sergeant – wait..what?
I whispered to Ewald and Gina, “I feel like I’m in a concentration camp, or the army or something with this dude”, as I pointed to the priest that was barking out orders on how we were to sit, how we were to line up for communion, and how we were to return to our pews. “Yes, drill sergeant!” I whispered to my friends as Father Captain Blood gave us the precise instructions we had grown to expect over the last five minutes.
* an alcoholic seminarian, dubbed Deacon Chug – che…ck?
With the plethora of priests, deacons and ministers vastly outnumbering the communion recipients, there was a substantial amount of leftover wine in the chalice of Deacon Chug. However, instead of either sharing it with the rest of the clergy, or calmly sipping the rest of it as to not waste it; this particular Deacon did something I had never thought I would witness during an Ordination Mass….or any Mass ever: He took the chalice to his mouth, threw his head back, and chugged the remining wine like a freshman at a college party.
“Chug Chug Chug”, Ewald said while barely keeping a straight face.
—-
“Chug Chug Chug!” we yelled at Firn as he took another can of beer from our fridge at Penn and put it to his lips. For a college freshman, Firn was a god among men when it came to the raw consumption of alcohol. Ryan, Bill and I simply watched in amazement, being freshmen ourselves at the time.
Firn was starting his second CASE of Coors Light and showed no signs of stopping…
(to be continued)
