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Love support tickets

December 10th, 2010 No comments

I love reading some of the support tickets we get. At my dayjob (I’m a Network Engineer), I usually monitor a bunch of queues in RT to see if I can help out during some of my downtime (well, at least the downtime that I’m not doing anything important, like reading reddit or shacknews). I will monitor the helpdesk queue and the developers queue in addition to my NOC and Infrastructure queues.

Every once in a while, you’ll find gems in there.

To helpdesk:

Subject: Power outage
Body:
Hello..

The circuit that supplies the warehouse seems to have blown….Would you happen to know which it is so that we can reset it?
You can phone me and walk me through if this is more convenient…

Thanks

And there’s of course the “ASAP OMG IMPORTANT” requests, which I can understand, but when they are like the following, I have no sympathy:

Timestamp: Friday 04:xx pm

Hi, I need new user [REDACTED] setup IMMEDIATELY!!! They started monday and need computer, phone, access to [REDACTED], photoshop, and be setup same as me.

Sure, lemme pull that out of my ass immediately, send it back in time to 2 weeks ago so the hardware can actually be ordered, approved, and delivered.

Of course there was also this today:

From: User X
Subject:(no subject)
Body: [blank]

followed 4 hours later by

From: User X
Subject: why?
Body: Why hasnt my previous request been completed yet?

I sometimes feel bad for helpdesk folks.

Categories: General Stupidity, work Tags:

SEPTA Epic Fail

February 25th, 2009 No comments

7:45…7:50…7:55…8:05am. The previous times are scheduled stops for the High Speed Trolley that takes me to work in the morning, and all times that it did not arrive. I looked at my phone; 8:10am. I had been standing on the cold platform for 25 minutes now to no avail. At this point, I’m contemplating just driving in and saving myself the needless hassle of standing there like an idiot waiting for a trolley that may never come.

Of course, the logical mind is thinking that it has to come. There may be a broken down trolley that they have to move off the track, but eventually, in order to not block the trolleys coming from Norristown and to allow people to actually get somewhere, it would come. It finally did, shortly after 8:10. “Don’t worry about the fares, just come on in”, said the driver, both trying to save time and perhaps make up for the lateness, “first stop will be Bryn Mawr, so if you need to get off before then, there is another trolley coming in about a minute or two.” In essence, he was about to skip about 8 stops in an effort to make up time…awesome! Not that it would really help, since it would only save about 5 minutes total, but still, it made for a quicker ride. Quicker indeed, dude put the pedal to the metal, I don’t think I’ve ever traveled as fast in a trolley as this dude made it go. In fact, he overshot the Bryn Mawr platform due to his speed, and I’m pretty sure he almost jumped the track at one point. I want this dude to be my driver everyday.

“Next stop…40th street” was the last thing I heard before the subway stopped….in between 46th street and 40th street. Figures…only my luck would have it that my trolley is fucked, and my subway is fucked. A few minutes later, they announced “the train will be moving shortly”…right. Eventually we get moving, and make it all the way to 34th street, where we stopped again for another 10 minutes. They finally told us that the train in front of us was having mechanical problems, and we’d be moving again shortly.

SEPTA…epic…fail.

And now for some people much worse than me: Most unfortunate names ever, according to the BBC

And…wtf? Zombie…pinup…calendar?

Categories: General Stupidity, Links Tags:

Oh come on now…

October 16th, 2008 No comments

November 4th is quickly approaching, and the final debate between Obama and McCain took place last night. Many people are still undecided, some refuse to vote, while others defend their candidate with an almost annoying enthusiasm. That being said, there are a few things that generally annoy me about people.

1. Single issue voters. OH COME ON NOW! While I completely agree with the right for everyone to cast a vote, sometimes I feel that there should be some kind of common sense exam before one may vote. Just recently, a long-time friend of mine told me “you know…I agree with Obama on pretty much everything. I would get a pretty decent tax cut, and I think he is definitely better at foreign policy…hell, better at dealing with people in general than McCain could ever be, hell the last eight years sucked, and McCain is more of the same!”. I almost felt the but coming, but I decided to pre-empt it “So, you’ve made your choice already, I see…Go-Bama?”. “Nah, McCain dude….I like my guns.” Seriously…are you shitting me? While I chose to highlight this particular example, I have heard many such variations, except replace Obama with McCain, McCain with Obama, guns with abortion, foreign policy with the economy, and every variation thereof. “So do you know [Candidate X]‘s plan for [major national issue]?”. I asked…”Nah, but he is for [single controversial yet minor issue that won't affect the state of the nation or how it is perceived in the world], so…you know…”. Seriously, people, before you go out on November 4th, educate yourself on the issues. Don’t just watch Fox News/MSNBC, or read each party’s talking points. Give it some independent thought, some personal insight; read summaries of actual bills and proposals from the candidates instead of relying on the attacks the candidates make against each other, or their defenses.

2. Tying in somewhat with issue 1…lack of education regarding the actual policies of the candidates. As much as I would like to be able to be impressed by the inherent wisdom of my acquaintances, it is simply not the case; the majority (sadly) have not taken any initiative to become politically smart. They don’t see past the attacks, the talking points and the pundits “expert analysis” of the issues (of which the majority are party biased, depending on the station’s affiliation), and should not taint the Democratic process by blindly voting.

I don’t care who you vote for. I don’t care whether or not you will go straight Democrat, straight Republican, or vote for every possible independent candidate. Your vote is your vote, but please…make it an educated one. Don’t follow your friend’s advice, don’t vote for [Candidate X] because your parents want you to, and don’t vote for the entire package based on one tear in the wrapping paper.

But do make a difference.

Categories: General Stupidity, People Tags:

Commercial wtf

August 2nd, 2008 No comments

Ok. I was just watching True Lies, and there was a commercial for Aussi hair gel or something like that. The WTF part: the method of procuring this hair care product was by assulting a purple kangaroo while it was getting a massage and having a bottle of Aussie fly out of its ass. Yes, a purple kangaroo and bottles flying out of asses. No I was not dreaming. W…… T….. F.

Categories: General Stupidity Tags:

The List

June 2nd, 2008 No comments

At brunch today, Ry and I had a discussion about “the list” and how it has evolved over time.

To the uninformed, “the list” is a list of five people. These five people, as they appear on the list, have a “get out of jail free” card toward your significant other. You are free to have sex with anyone on “the list” without any repercussion from your S.O.. Your S.O., in the same fashion, can have a list of their own.

The list is usually composed of celebrities, or at least of people you are pretty sure you will never have the chance to have sex with anyway, but still….it’s fun.

Currently my list stands as:
* Christina Aguilera
* Adrianna Lima
* Mila Kunis
* Megan Fox
* Rachel Bilson

The list, as I said before, has evolved. Eight years ago, for example, Britney Spears would have been on that list, and Megan Fox wasn’t even legal. Updates to the list are permitted with one clause: If (by some god given right) you have actually had sex with anyone on that list, they are a permanent addition.

What is your list?

Categories: General Stupidity Tags:

Backing up the wrong way into a one way street = win

March 17th, 2008 No comments

To preface this post, I wish to make it clear that I never really had much faith in people. While most people argue whether or not people are inherently good or evil, I simply theorize the fact that people are inherently stupid.

This particular gentleman adds further proof to my theory. I was on my way to a hockey game, and was to pick up a teammate along the way. I was driving on 33rd Street on Drexel’s campus and was stopped at the stop sign at 33rd and Race. As I am at this stop sign, this particular gentleman decides to back up into 33rd Street from Race. He also made it a point to not notice me standing there. He also made it a point to ignore my honking and flashing. I’m sure you can guess what happened next….he backed up right into me. Good going dude!

Total damage to my car: $2026
My rental: Initially, I was given a Kia, which is about as uncool as you can get. The Kia then got a flat tire, and they weren’t able to fix it, so they gave me a replacement Dodge Charger. It is a V6 Charger, not the Hemi powered V8. It’s slow, and it handles like a brick with wheels. It also drinks gas like a Russian drinks vodka.

TLDR: people suck.

Categories: cars, General Stupidity Tags:

A good start to February…and by good I really mean bad

March 10th, 2008 No comments

A letter to United Airways:

Customer satisfaction: I used to think that it meant something in the airline industry. I was always under the assumption that being in the business of getting someone from point A to point B actually involved getting that person from point A to point B. As it is, satisfaction is the word furthest from the list of terms I would use to describe my experience with your airline.

At this point, allow me to expand on my experience so that you may better understand my urgent need to write to you. I was to go to Springfield, IL on a business trip. I was to leave Philadelphia on Wednesday, and return on Thursday. I should have known right away that I was in for an adventure from the moment I arrived to catch my 6am flight out of Philadelphia to Chicago. I started with the self-check in, only to find that my flightplan had been changed. I was no longer leaving at 6am to go to Chicago, but instead was to take a 3pm flight to Washington Dulles. Due to the brevity of my trip, I did not find this acceptable and asked an agent for clarification. I was told that the flight from Chicago to Springfield had been canceled, but was offered no reason for it. I inquired about other flights, and was finally booked on a noon flight from Chicago to Springfield. It seemed that I would at least arrive in Springfield at a decent time.

The return trip is where I am sad to say, the service I received suffered. To be more precise; it plummeted…from mediocrity to levels so low that I do not even have words to describe them. I wish that I could at least say that I was the only one affected, but that was not the case either.

My flight from Springfield to Dulles was to leave at 6:05pm. I arrived early since it was beginning to snow, and I wanted to ensure that I had enough time to return the rental car and check in. I overestimated the time I needed to check in due to the small size of the airport and the fact that the Springfield to Dulles flight was the ONLY flight of the day. I sat and waited at the gate as more fliers arrived. Since we all saw a plane parked at the end of the gate, we had assumed that we would leave on time. No announcements were made to make us think any differently until 6pm came and went, and nobody offered to board us on the plane. It turns out, that the plane (a United plane, no less) was not for us…it was just sitting there idle. It was finally announced that the United plane that we were to board was ten minutes away, and they were going to move the current plane from the gate. Those ten minutes came and went, and no plane. Someone finally got up to ask about the status, and was told that the plane was indeed on its way, and that there were Air Traffic Control issues. I could understand ATC issues at a busy airport, but not in Springfield, and not when there was only a single flight for the entire day.

We were finally able to board at 9pm. We still had to wait for the crew to de-ice the plane before we finally took off at 9:30. Mind you, I had a connecting flight from Dulles to Philadelphia that was to leave at 10pm…so obviously I was not going to make it. The majority of the people flying to Dulles had connecting flights, and as we landed, the horde of us went to the customer service desk to try to get this situation resolved.

While standing in line and during my conversation with the CSR, I found your airline to be unwilling to offer ANY kind of help to anybody. People had missed their flights, people were sick, people had surgeries….people needed to get home, but United did not seem to care. They cited that ATC issues were not their problem, and the best thing they could do was to get us on other flights the next day. When we inquired as to what to do overnight, the CSRs rudely said “get yourself a hotel”. I would possibly have paid more attention to names and ID numbers, but after hearing this be told to the fifteen people in front of and including me, I was much too infuriated to care. I was told to get a hotel at my own expense, and was given the option of being standby for a morning flight or to be confirmed for a 1pm flight the next day. I chose both options, since I was fairly certain I would not get the standby due to the queue of others that accepted the same terms.

Upon arriving at the hotel after a rainy twenty minute shuttle drive, I was offered a room at a “discount” rate that still seemed very much like an average room rate. At any rate (haha, see what I did there?), I went to my room and finally took a much needed shower. I went to bed at about 1:00am, and asked for a wake-up call at 5am since the shuttle from the hotel left at 6:00am.

I arrived at Dulles at about 6:30am and anxiously found the United terminal where my standby flight was supposed to leave from. At this point, I did not think that United’s customer relations could get any worse; I was wrong.

The Philadelphia flight was called once, and then again in about ten minutes. The gate that the flight was leaving from was servicing two flights, and one attendant was handling both “sides” of the gate. The final call for the Philadelphia flight was called, and there was still about 40 people in the line. Two minutes later, the gate attendant announced that the Philadelphia flight had boarded and the gate was closed….AS THERE WERE PEOPLE STILL IN LINE. A younger couple, with child, cut out of line to speak to the attendant. They said that they were booked on the Philadelphia flight, and asked to be boarded. Now, mind you, they were IN LINE for the gate boarding. The attendant snuffed them off and told them they should have come up sooner, and that she would not help them. Granted, perhaps the attendant has supernatural mind reading powers and expected this couple to magically know that even though there is a line, the gate would be closed. This is, in one word: unacceptable.

I waited at the airport for the next few hours for my 1:00pm flight in furious agony at what I had just witnessed. I tried to make myself feel better, saying “at least I’m not the only one”, but somehow that thought made me more angry. At the very least, my flight was showing as “on-time”.

As 1pm came and went, the flight did not board, and the screen updated to say that my flight was to leave at 2pm. Since I was already here, the extra hour was not that big of a deal. At 2pm, the screen updated again: “Flight to Philadelphia – 3:00pm”. As it can be deduced from this entire experience…3pm came and the flight still did not board. The screen updated one last final and fatal time: Canceled. No reason was provided, other than “Operations”. I was horrified as I took my place in the customer service line once again.

During the half hour or so that I stood in line, a gentleman took the initiative to find out why the flight had been canceled. He had found out that United did not have a pilot for the flight. He also mentioned that the entire day had been similarly disastrous. A flight with a pilot, but no crew. Another flight had a pilot and crew, but no plane. Then my flight had a plane and crew but no pilot. Operations problems…..I think the problems lie much deeper than an operations error.

Upon finally reaching a representative, we discussed various options for getting me home. There were flights the next day, and there were flights from another airport, but I would not make them because it was coming up to rush hour. At this point, I had experienced enough of United, and asked for a refund on my ticket. The representative then asked for my baggage tag so that they could arrange for my baggage to be waiting for me at the baggage claim office on the first floor of the terminal. I immediately asked if the baggage could just be delivered to me in Philadelphia, and she said that “no we don’t do that”, when I know for a fact that every airline does so…I have had it done before. She was insistant that they would simply not do it, so I agreed to pick it up downstairs. She checked my baggage status, assured me that it would be waiting for me, and then dropped another bombshell: she could not give me a refund…I would have to go to the OTHER United customer service desk. I obliged from lack of options, and made my way to the other customer service desk to receive my refund. With that finally settled, I was free to catch a train or rent a car to finally get home.

I went downstairs to the baggage claim office to pick up my bag. The representative there checked my tag number in the computer and told me that it had not arrived yet. She told me to give my tag to one of the workers in the orange jackets at the baggage claim gate. The gentleman there told me that they had not unloaded that particular plane yet, and that it would be about an hour before I was reunited with my baggage. An hour later, at 4:30pm, I inquired again about my bag. I was told by the same gentleman that they were understaffed and the large amount of canceled flights meant that I had to wait a bit longer. I checked the Amtrak schedules (there was a train leaving at 6:30 that I had the possibility of making), and reluctantly agreed to wait. An hour later, I inquired again about the baggage, and was told that they had just unloaded the plane and my baggage should be on the conveyor belt shortly. I waited again as people got their bags and left, but still no sign of my baggage. I inquired again, and asked him to look up the status of my baggage, and he said that my baggage was scanned and should be out. It was not, so I made my way to the office to see a supervisor. She informed me that the bag had indeed been checked and should be on the belt. I assured her it was not, and this was verified by the baggage handlers. She looked up the status again, and said that the baggage was indeed scanned….in Philadelphia…at 10:00am this morning, a fact that everyone seemed to miss, even though it was right in front of them on the computer screen. I had wasted an additional four and a half hours waiting for a bag that I was never going to receive. I had missed the train at this point, and my only option was to rent a car and drive home.

Finally, I was home. I missed a concert that I had tickets for; tickets that were not cheap in the least. I was two days late, tired, angry, and STILL had another day’s work ahead of me. I still had to return the rental car (which, by the way, ended up costing me double what my ticket refund was), and pick up my baggage from the Philadelphia airport.

So, I just wish to say: Thank you, United…you have managed to completely destroy my faith in airlines and in the very notion of customer service.

Regards,
Luke

———
And to close it out…here are some cool links:

Think Guitar Hero is for geeks? Try this one out.
Apple vs Hackers…. hackers winning: http://www.engadget.com/2008/02/08/out-of-the-box-1-1-3-iphones-now-software-unlockable/

Categories: gaming, General Stupidity, Personal Tags:

Bumper Stickers: 1 – Humanity: 0

April 24th, 2007 No comments

I loathe the inventor of bumper stickers.

Perhaps the only people I despise more than the inventors of bumper stickers are people who choose to slap them all over their car. However, I may possibly have the most seething hatred for people who choose to slap bumper stickers on their brand new cars (or well maintained/still good looking cars). I can’t even find it in me to forgive people with jalopies who use the stickers to cover up scratches, dents, or the occasional bullet holes.

Putting a bumper sticker on your car is just your way of saying “hey look at me, this is what I believe in…feel free to judge me!”.

All things considered, this could be a good thing. I at least have a general idea of the general intelligence level of the drivers of cars with bumper stickers. If someone has a bumper sticker that supports Bush/Cheney, I can venture a guess that they are dimwitted douche bags, and that I should avoid them on the road. Who knows…they may randomly get the idea to shoot me in the face while trying to hunt quail. I realize that yelling at them for driving like an idiot would be pointless, since their response would be incoherent and the words would be mangled…just like the people they choose to support.

I don’t mean to just rag on political supporters, although they are by far the stupidest of the bunch. Think about it… in 4 or 8 years…that bumper sticker will have lost its meaning. Hell, after the election, the bumper sticker loses its meaning; unless its original meaning was to point out that the owner is delusional. Guess what, nation….those bumper stickers may stick to the car easily…but they don’t come off as easily as they go on. Yes, people….you are stick with that god forsaken bumper sticker, or at least the leftover glue that you were too stupid to properly remove. You think those people with the “Honk if you love Jihad!” sticker are happy? Fuck no, they are the center of ridicule/threat. They have little choice….either TRY to remove the sticker, in which case they will have leftover glue and paper on their bumper, or they will have a rectangular area on their car that looks cleaner than the rest of the car. That’s right…we know you had a bumper sticker there…we see that you tried to hide your previous idiocy, had a change of heart, or were no longer able to live with the constant ridicule of your peers.

What about window stickers, you ask. Well, I am mixed on that topic. Glass is much easier to remove a sticker from, and will not have the retarded clean area look that paint will have. The stickers are usually translucent, or in the very least; are free of the ridiculous solid colored background that seems to act as filler for every bumper sticker known to man. Yes sir, you have a green car, with a 5 inch by 2 inch rectangle of white with the words “My daughter is an honor student at the Community College of (wherever)”. Wow, dad, I hope you’re proud that your daughter is:

1. able to formulate a complete sentence
2. a whore

Categories: General Stupidity Tags: